Moved up

I finally worked up the guts to call and complain until they changed my date.  When I called, she said, "Oh, I was just about to call you.  We moved you up."

Sing hallelujah.

June 14th.

A date

June 21st.

Hey, you probably have cancer.  Now sit and wait two weeks and then we'll do something about it.

Ultrasound results

I had an ultrasound this morning at 11.  The only ultrasounds that I've had previously were to make sure Baby T was healthy, so they were fairly short.  This one lasted 40 minutes-- she checked my bladder both full and empty, and then both kidneys.  I came home covered in ultrasound goo.  Yuck.

Then I had an appointment with Dr. Bell at 3:40.  The spot on my left kidney was just what we thought it would be- a cyst-- inconsequential in terms of my operation (yay).  Had that spot turned out to be something dangerous, the conversation would have been very different.

The ultrasound also offered a little more information about the tumor on my right kidney.  Dr. Bell said that there is a lot of vascular activity in my tumor.  In other words, there is a lot of blood flow to that area. This is an indicator that the tumor is probably renal cell carcinoma... which is cancer...

While that is scary... it doesn't change the treatment, and shouldn't change my future after the surgery.  Because there are no indications of the tumor spreading, if it is cancerous, it will be cured by removal.  No chemotherapy or radiation should be necessary.

So we asked all sorts of questions about the surgery, recovery, and living with one kidney.  Taiwan is still up in the air (boo), but it looks fairly promising if I can get into surgery asap (yay).

Tomorrow I'm going to get blood work done and I should hear from surgery scheduling as well.  I am praying that they have an opening soon.  Dr. Bell is expecting that I should be able to get in within 2 weeks (sooner please?!).

A good day

Yesterday was a good day.  Went running, ran errands, taught dance in the evening; managed to forget my worries for a bit.  It was awesome.  In addition, I heard from Dr. Bell yesterday (hooray!).  

He consulted with a third radiologist who agreed with the first two: it is important to ultrasound the left kidney in order to see whether it is "sinister" before making a decision on how to treat the right kidney.

So I have an ultrasound scheduled for this morning and then an appointment with Dr. Bell this afternoon. I'm really hoping we'll know enough from the ultrasound to make a decision about the right kidney as well as schedule the surgery.  (How about tomorrow?!)

Running, phone calls, and waiting

I ran two miles with my Mama this morning.  (How amazing is it that less than 6 weeks after donating a kidney, she can easily run two miles?!)  It was a hard two miles for me and I may or may not have had a mini emotional break down when I finished...

We also called Robbie today to tell him what's going on.  We wanted to make sure he heard the news from us and not from a random well-wishing email (as well-intentioned as well-wishers may be).  It was hard to tell what he was thinking and we didn't talk to him for very long; but I worry about him a lot.  It has been a crazy few months to be living so far away with so little contact.

Still no news from the doctor.  Waiting is the worst.

Mental & Emotional States

Mentally, I am doing fine.  I have come to terms with the fact that I'll be having major surgery, that I won't be able to pick Baby Will up for six weeks, and that there's a good chance I won't be going to Taiwan.  I know that when the doctor uses words like "mass" and "sinister," he is really saying "tumor" and "cancer."  I also understand that while this is scary and wildly inconvenient, it really is all going to be okay.  There are no signs of "sinister activity" in my lymph nodes or other organs.  I know that there will be a time in the not too distant future where we can put all of this scary stuff behind us.

Emotionally, I am a roller coaster.  I hold it together really well most of the time.  I feel perfectly healthy and it's easy to forget for a while.   It's like my parents are here for a nice surprise visit.  We're going hiking today, we ordered sushi, we're giggling about silly stories (one time my dad stopped at a stop light and one of his tires rolled right off his car and through the intersection- what?!).

But then there are moments where it hits me.  Where the words "tumor" and potentially "cancer" set in.  Moments (however brief and irrational) where I picture Grant raising Will by himself.  I am overwhelmed by the love and support of those who are rallying behind us-- thinking of us, praying for us, even fasting for us.  I realize that this really is a big deal, with a lot of unknown consequences for my future.  How will this affect my migraines?  How will I take care of my sweet baby?  And really as silly as this is... I really have to have a freaking epidural?!  I worked pretty darn hard to avoid that sucker last year when Will was born... boo.

Thank you so much for all of your support.  I feel so loved and cared for.  I know that prayer is power and I can feel the power of your prayers.  We're having a fast this Sunday if you would like to join us.  There are potentially some big decisions to be made and I know the Lord will help me make the right ones.  Now I'm off to climb up a mountain-- everything is clearer with the perspective of a higher altitude.

First Urologist Visit

I visited my urologist, Dr. Bell, today.  He was great (which is comforting).  He didn't talk down to me, was very straightforward, and it was clear that he has spent a considerable amount of time and effort on my case, despite everything happening so quickly.  He showed me my CT scan- the tumor looks pretty big on a computer screen...

The tumor definitely needs to be removed and it's too big (at 7cm) to be done laparoscopically which means it will be open surgery.  Normally, they remove the entire kidney for tumors over 4 cm.  However, there's a chance they will only take part of my kidney.

That is because my CT scan also showed one other abnormality: a spot on my left kidney.  If the spot on my left kidney has potential to become malignant, then I may need part of my right kidney in the future.  However, if the spot is just a small cyst, which Dr. Bell thinks it probably is, then they will probably remove the whole kidney.

I will probably hear from Dr. Bell tomorrow.  He may do another CT scan, this time a three-stage scan that would take images before, during, and after contrast.  He also may do an ultrasound on that left kidney.  There will probably also be blood work involved.  Whew.  And then we'll make a decision about  how much of my right kidney can safely be removed.   

It's been a lot to process, obviously.  But I have amazing support from family and friends that are thinking of us, praying for us, and fasting for us.