My Olympic Dreams

Last night I dreamed I was dating both Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte.

I really wanted to be with Phelps, but Lochte was Will's biological father and neither of them knew yet.

Amazingly, they were both very understanding.

Phelps agreed to raise Will as his own and Lochte gave me two million dollars in child support.

Now what was it about Olympics and dreams coming true...?

The Lonely Grower

Grant has been in Denver for about three weeks now.  Striving to remain positive about this unfortunate, but luckily temporary, situation I've compiled a short list of the good things:

-I get the whole bed.  Me and my seven pillows.  I also bought a body pillow.  It's for Baby T...
-Oh man, I just ran out of good things...

Actually being away from Grant has forced me to document life in a different way: Cell phone pictures.  Baby T is growing quickly, so consequently, I'm growing quickly as well!  Every few days I send Grant a picture of his ever expanding wife and baby to be.

19 weeks 5 days:

20 weeks 1 day:

20 weeks 6 days:

21 weeks 1 day:

21 weeks 3 days:

21 weeks 4 days:

22 weeks 3 days:

22 weeks 5 days:

23 weeks:

This set of photos is clearly not intended to glamorize my hair, face, fashionable style, and especially not my tidiness...  But little Baby T is definitely in there!  Yay!

Disney World Chronicles #4: Duck, Duck, Chicken Strips

Disney World is full of creatures.  Donald is a duck, Mickey is a mouse, Pluto is a dog, Goofy is... a strange dog.  While these creatures... er... characters are lots of fun to give hugs and get pictures with, for some reason, they didn't entertain me quite as much as some of the more natural, normal sized creatures:

Unfortunately, while Mickey and Minnie seem to possess some kind of magical intelligence unknown to all other mice, the living, quacking mallards at Disney World most definitely were not blessed with the same level of brain power.  I'm convinced that animals who find homes on Disney property are so often fed and oogled at by people, that the animals themselves think they are people.

So of course, I went after one, with my creeper hands and all.

I'm not sure why my arms naturally go to that "creeper" position... but I am definitely sure that it makes me sneakier.

Come here duckie duckie. (Notice that he is totally oblivious...)

Just a little further!

I was literally an inch from him and little duck-face could've cared less.

"Quackity quack quack," which means, "If this lady's not going to feed me churros and chicken strips, I'm out of here!"

And thus, he left me.  If I would've had chicken strips, I just might have fed him.  It's amazing that I didn't have chicken strips right then because chicken strips and french fries are Baby T's (or rather, Fetus T's) favorite food. 

Luckily Disney has no shortage of fried potatoes and chicken.  Although, with the amount of clucks & fries I was consuming that weekend, they might be having a shortage right now...

One thing I didn't ever get to eat at Disney World... was duck...

Disney World Chronicles #1: The ride that got us to the rides

We decided a few months ago to go to Disney World.  The Mallory's moved to Seattle in October and we decided a reunion was absolutely necessary.  In Florida. Which means a two hour flight for us... and an entire night of flying for the Mallory's.  What good sports!

We stayed at a hotel in the Downtown Disney Area which was great for transportation to and from the parks.  However, they did not offer a free shuttle to the hotel from the airport.  Instead, they wanted your left pinky finger and your right earlobe.  Thus, we rented a tin can.. err.. a car.

Grant loved our little Aveo because of all the head room he had.  Although not very spacious front to back, our little tin can had lots of room for taller Disney goers like Grant.

We headed back to the airport to pick the Mallory's up the day after we arrived but their flight was delayed.  Thus, we spent a lovely morning in this cell phone lot (read: dirt patch).

Luckily, this gave me lots of time to check out the lovely luggage compartment.

This looks like that scary scene in the Grudge 2 when the girl is crawling up the inside of the well... Wow, I'm glad I haven't seen any horror movies since high school...

My hair... is long...

Successfully fits one!

Although movement was somewhat limited...

And somewhat painful...

Glad I could offer your Friday night entertainment...

Oh wait!  This trunk actually fits one + a lemon sized baby!

Luckily, the Mallory's showed up soon after this which means you don't have to look at any other crazy pictures of me.  I would like to claim that that lemon-sized baby is what makes me do all these stupid things... but I'm such a (crazy) saint, I just can't lie!

The Two Musical Tanners

Music has always been a part of a Tanner Christmas, all three years of our little family celebrations.  

We love to sing Christmas songs.  We even have a song of the year each Christmas.  2008: Mistletoe by Colbie Caillat, 2009: Last Christmas by Wham, covered by Jimmy Eat World, and 2010:  ??  Well considering the events depicted in the video below, it just may have to be Silver Bells.

Wow, we are just so durn multitalented!

Guest Blogger: Zachary the Turkey

I was a dreamer from a young age.

A wide-eyed poult who dreamed of making it big.  Maybe get the lead role in one of those prestigious Thanksgiving Pageants?

Maybe even become a tour guide at a famous national museum of some kind.  You know, Benjamin Franklin fought for the turkey as the national bird.  He won in my eyes.  Darn those arrogant eagles.

It wasn't long before Uncle Harv let me in on the truth of my sad little existence...

I don't like to talk about it...

Unfortunately, there is no escaping cold, hard reality, or in my case, steaming, fried reality. (That was a lot of commas in one sentence...)

In actuality, the true travesty in this picture has more to do with fashion than poultry humanity...

But anyway...

Enter Grant Tanner:

He seemed like a nice guy when we met.  He even got a few pictures with me!  

I thought maybe he recognized my true talent.  Perhaps my entertaining days were just around the corner!

I quickly learned his true, hungry intentions.

Ouch.

It's like he had done this before...

And dare I say... he enjoyed it?!

Nothing in all my poulthood experience could have prepared me for this...

Oh the humanity!

This is the moment I thought Mr. Grantie recognized his true error.  The vegan inside was surfacing for the first time in his ravenously carnivorous life, and met face to face with the stark reality of his inhumanity, he would see the error of his ways and let out an apologetic gobble.

The contemplation...

You can do it Mr. Grantie!  Give it up!

And the betrayal!

And heaven forbid he stop there!  

Oh to be young and feel love's keen sting!

Alas, is there no hope for humankind?  Or rather, Texaskind?!  

Endnote:  Sorry... I honestly have no idea where this post came from... Blame it on reading children's Halloween books at Barnes & Noble yesterday...